Pain pain pain pain pain pain…my lovely fate, it’s been a while. And you’ve brought it to me once again. With much admiration, I can say I no longer notice. Methodically you, dearest destiny, have let me slip beneath this skin, to become more. Because of us; yes I helped harvest you, I tailored you; because of us sin will not be forgiven.

Let her go.

Who what where when why should I give a fuck about you. An overzealous shadow, the crooked hand of God no longer guides me.

She isn’t real…

She isn’t real? She…they all live, waiting in their death. We took them.

Out of need.

Was it something I need?  Or were her final tears just to please you? I let you take control because they deserved it. I knew she had do die, but she was mine, and mine alone.

.....

Don’t think I didn’t know she never loved me. I saw her with him, I heard her laugh at me. She was another ghosted soul, one that I still love. I’ll always love the anger in her eyes, her nails cutting into me. But you, my friend, wanted her to see it. You wanted her to notice you, accept you.

You know you couldn’t kill her.

I know nothing.
The lechery love has to offer; nothing. Blurred dreams of a lonely heart; nothing. Crushed wings of a fallen bird; nothing. A stain of remorse and red; nothing. Another chance; nothing. All this time; nothing. Freedom; nothing.  Hurt, faith, fear, bliss; nothing.

“…I am nothing.”

    He sat, staring mindlessly at the television after a long hard day of napping and eating. The flashy lights and ringing sounds of the day time game show brought a sick sense of pleasure to Cody, as the hours of the day drifting by him. With the taste of a microwavable pizza fresh on his tongue, the brown eyed seven-teen year old, got up from the daze he was in as the doorbell rang. Shaking the crumbs from the Pink Floyd shirt he wore, and brushing his dangling black hair out of his eyes, Cody made his venture through the vastly empty house to the front door. Sneaking a glance at the peephole, Cody saw his mother holding a bag of what appeared to be chocolate chip cookies and vegetable oil, and maybe a chicken, he couldn’t tell. Cody opened the door to his surprisingly short mother and she handed the bag to him with a smile, “I’m back from grocery shopping,” she stated for no apparent reason, except to point out the obvious. Cody made his way to the kitchen and opened up the cookies, as his blue eyed mother grabbed the rest of the groceries and shut the door behind her. “It’s a miracle you’re not the size of a whale the way you eat Cody,” mother Jane said teasingly, “thanks for your help bringing in the groceries,” she added. It’s a miracle your not...., Cody tried to think of a witty remark to no avail as he found his way back to the green sofa he so dearly missed.

    Jane finished putting away the groceries and plopped a chicken in the oven, and was now sitting in the living room with Cody, reading a book. As the faint aroma wafted through the house, Cody shifted through the channels since Family Feud was over. Finding nothing he turned off the TV and decided to go upstairs, just as Jane went to check on the chicken he handed her the bag of cookies. Having no siblings and his father out golfing with his work friends, Cody and his mother were home alone. Once Cody reached his room, he opened the door with such humorous signs hanging on it like “for sale.” Since he had beaten all his video games, Cody plugged his black fender into the amp and adjusted the volume so his mother wouldn’t bother him later. He, using his favorite pick (one with a drooping rose), strummed through a few songs such as “Don’t Cry” by Guns N’ Roses, and “Heart Shaped Box” by Nirvana before getting tired and figuring he was slightly starving.

    Jane, after having checked up her chicken, went back to her romance novel it was getting to a good part where the father of the daughter who fell in love with a rebel, meets the rebel. Just as the father was about to give it to this rebel, something grabbed her from behind, and she cried out. Now she heard a joyous laughter, and reason sank in, turning she gave Cody a fierce look, then softened her impression as she got up and gave Cody a light punch. “You scared the hell out of me,” she said as the laughter slowly began to fade, “then my evil plan worked,” Cody said still chuckling. “Dinner is almost done,” Jane said as she made her way to check over the chicken, Cody nodded as he managed to find his way back to the television, flipping through the channels he saw Seinfeld was on and began his drift into the magical numbness.

    As they gazed at the TV, Cody and his mother gobbled up their food. Cody even made a joke by touching his food to his chin like Robert on Everybody Loves Raymond, which now was what they were watching. As he wiped the Luke warm sauce from his chin, and took another bite of the savory chicken, Jane asked, “Is there anything on tonight?” “Today is Friday, so…no I don’t think so,” “are you sure isn’t Big Brother or House on tonight?” “No mom, Big Brother is on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays only,” Cody said with a note of irritation in his voice. Ok sheesh I was just asking you arrogant prick Jane thought to herself eying Cody with a smile as he looked upon the TV.

    After they finished dinner and put the dishes in the dish washer, Jane and Cody went back to the living room and sat on the couch as the daylight slowly dimmed. Cody finding nothing worth his precious watching hours went to his room and found his Simpson DVD collection and came back downstairs. As Cody was upstairs the phone rang and Jane went to answer it, “Hello,” no response, “Hello?” Jane spoke louder, but still no response. Jane hung up the phone and swore under her breath as she went back into the now dark living room and flipped on a light. Seeing that Cody managed to sneak in a Simpson episode, Jane decided to go to bed with her book and hopefully finish it. “Goodnight Hun,” Jane said as she reached down and picked up her book on the end table beside Cody, “night mom.” “If you’re still down here when your father comes home tell him there’s left over chicken in the fridge,” “ok,” was Cody’s reply as he never took his eyes from the television when speaking to his mother. Doubting that Cody would remember what she said, Jane made her way to her bed and finished her book.

    Cody did remember to tell his father that the chicken was in the fridge and after some ideal chat; Craig, Cody’s father, went up to his room exhausted from his game of golf. Now alone in the wee morning hours, Cody again went back to the TV and found what he was looking for. The Jimmy Kimmel Live show was just finishing up and soon a soft core prono would come on. Cody turned the volume down so not to disturb his parents as he began the new day with a bang.